From Thanksgiving to the first of January, the days of our lives are focused on holiday cheer. We gear up for glad tidings. We plan for peace among us.
And before it’s all over, we slowly stress out and promise to do better next year. Is there any way to skip the stress that comes with holiday harmony?
Of course! With a little forethought and focus, you can create a joyful holiday, and stop stress from intruding on your merrymaking. Here’s how:
Step One: Set yourself up for a happy holiday.
- Prep your mind. How do you want your holiday experience to feel, who will you spend it with, where will you be? What will be the focus for you: gifts, travelling, decorations, family gatherings, or a bit of each.
- Gently build toward the holiday, rather than throw yourself into the frenzy of gatherings and gift buying. Spend the evenings quietly meditating on the meaning of the season, journal significant moments, or play holiday music nightly to keep stress manageable, and the season in perspective.
- Infuse peace and joy into the season through cooperative planning. Make some decisions about how you want to spend the holiday with your loved ones.
- Keep stress to a minimum by doing your best to ask your family what they expect from the season. Talk about what matters and what doesn’t, so you’re not butting heads over traditions no one really cares for, or leaving out treasured activities one or more of you would like to enjoy together.
Step Two: Employ this plan for optimal enjoyment.
- Be present and engaged in the moment. You have this time to enjoy. Try to see the big picture. This holiday season will not last for long. Challenge the negative thinking that could break down the communication between you and your loved ones. Do what you can to extract the best from each interaction and activity, even if they aren’t what you imagined.
- Build in break time. When your shoulders get tense over wrapping paper, and Aunt so-and-so’s voice is starting to grate on your nerves, step away from the merriment. Set limits. Go for a walk, make time for the gym, or sneak off to a coffee shop. Take time to recharge.
- Be realistic. The same old family patterns exist. Your Pinterest-perfect plans will fall apart. Not everyone likes to celebrate the way you do. Accept the fact that problems will arise, personalities will clash, and your carefully chosen gifts may be returned.
Step Three: Make diplomacy a gift to yourself.
- Remain as neutral as you can. Accept, and even embrace, some of your family’s nutty nuances with grace and humor. You know the usual culprits who insist upon coarse talk and criticism. Do your best to remain calm and let things lie.
- Deck the halls with inclusivity and compassion. Acknowledge that the holidays may be stressful for everyone. For many people, the holidays are not happy, but filled with pain or loss. Give the benefit of the doubt. Extend as much loving-kindness as you can this season. You likely will feel holiday stress dissipate quickly.
- Engage respectfully. If certain family dynamics are too tense to support a happy holiday, circumvent the stress by communicating clear boundaries. It’s okay to talk to loved ones and set some ground rules. Reserve the right to restrict contact, if they disagree or violate your agreement.
The holidays can be hectic and complicated by our expectations. If you find that joy is in short supply, be as grateful as you can.
Be mindful of what counts. Make the joy, not the stress, what you will remember.
Denise Kautzer is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and a Certified Public Accountant whose practice is located in St. Paul, MN. You can view her website at www.denisekautzer.com or contact her at denise@denisekautzer.com.