It may seem that something very sad and very dark is affecting your spouse.
Lethargy and irritability have stolen your partner’s interests and humor. Pessimism and chronic pain have made time together tough.
To address the problem early and effectively, know the signs of depression and seek help. Your partner, your own mental health, and your happy home needn’t be casualties of the battle against anger, isolation and hopelessness playing out in your spouse’s mind.
Look and listen for the following:
Universal Negativity. Loving someone in the depths of depression threatens to drag you and your marriage down. Your spouse may seem unable find a single silver lining. His or her mood is dark and casts a shadow over every interaction. An upbeat or positive viewpoint is hard to come by or solicit.
Typically Tuned Out. Your partner seems absorbed in his or her thoughts and feelings. He or she rarely initiates contact or appears to miss your former closeness. You are unable to draw him or her out for real conversation or engagement. Interests seem to lie more with surfing the web or solitary activities. He or she only pays you obligatory attention.
Anger and Annoyance. Your partner’s fuse seems to grow shorter everyday. It takes very little to flip the switch. Too many things irritate or produce an overreaction. You may even witness regular angry outbursts and violent response.
Deteriorating Self–worth. Repeatedly, you hear your partner put him or herself down. He or she blames and berates him or herself extensively for minor infractions. Confidence is low and self-criticism is high. Even your partner’s attempts at humor are self-deprecating. When it comes to his or her own life, your partner cannot find much to say that is positive or kind.
Ignores Interests and Intimacy. Pleasure is off the table. Your spouse no longer pursues beloved pastimes or activities. Outings or community involvement are traded for sleep or more time alone. Your partner no longer pursues intimacy with you. Your relationship is further strained as sexual advances are refused or put off.
Food/ Weight Issues. Significant shifts in weight occur over short periods of time. The amount and frequency of meals and snacks may seem linked to your partner’s emotions.
Decision Dilemmas. Your partner appears unfocused and forgetful. You may start to witness problems at work or in social situations. He or she may seem indecisive when it comes to bill paying or child-rearing despite having money in the bank or being a seasoned parent.
Energy Drain. Moving from room to room or completing a chore appears to be strenuous for your spouse. Lethargy has replaced the energy you remember. You feel as if the household and family responsibilities are more and more lopsided as you compensate for your spouse’s exhaustion.
Stubborn sleep problems. You may notice a confusing mix of fatigue, insomnia, and frequent naps. Disrupted sleep exacerbates energy and concentration problems as well as irritability.
Mystery Illness or Pain. Physical pain is also a depression symptom. If your partner complains often of headaches, digestive trouble, or muscle pain, depression may be the root of it.
Suicidal Suggestion or Statements. Any reference to suicide, no matter how dismissive, should be taken seriously. Don’t wait. Your spouse needs professional attention immediately.
Depression is serious and its effects on your partner and your life together need a serious plan for recovery.
Don’t give up on each other, instead reach out to an experienced therapist for the help and hope you need right away.
Denise Kautzer is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and a Certified Public Accountant whose practice is located in St. Paul, MN. You can view her website at www.denisekautzer.com or contact her at denise@denisekautzer.com