Emotional Abuse: Take These Steps to Protect Yourself

Emotional abuse is dominating and demoralizing.

Punishing and passive-aggressive.

Often, all at the same time.

The object of emotional abuse is to subject you to an unrelenting barrage of manipulation, criticism, intimidation, and undermining behavior. You’re left in a state of depleted self-confidence, fear, guilt, and dependence. You’re so used to the abuse that it may not even register. It almost seems normal.

To avoid being a victim, you must pay close attention and take measures to protect your mental and emotional wellbeing.

Protect yourself in the following ways:

  1. Recognize the lies. Something inside you is trying to tell you the truth. Listen to that feeling. You are worthy of love. You are not stupid, or deserving of mistreatment. Not even a little bit.
  2. Do not take the blame. You are not the cause or cure for what ails your abuser. Emotional abusers are experts at making their victims question the validity of their own feelings. Victims often shift their attention away from their own emotions to the abuser’s need for comfort and understanding. The abuser gains the upper hand as the victim begins to believe that he or she is to blame for the ugly side of the abuser’s behavior and must work to bring out the kinder side. Don’t accept the blame for someone else’s choice to manipulate and degrade you. No matter what you’re told.
  3. Recognize your relationship rights. To keep yourself emotionally safe you must realize that your essential relationship needs are being neglected. You have a right to emotional and physical safety. You have a right to expect that boundaries you set will be honored. You should be able to operate freely in the relationship, knowing that you will be respected, supported, and validated, even if your opinion differs from the other person’s.
  4. Do not ignore the abuse. Take a look at the reality of your relationship. Are you constantly walking on eggshells? Are you alienated from friends and family? Do you feel constantly mocked, ignored, or disrespected?
  5. Don’t engage the abuse. You don’t have to abuse to deal with an abuser. If your partner tries to draw you into a debate, yelling match, or discussion of who is right, you’ll only sink deeper into the problem. Walk away or leave the environment until you can come together calmly and you feel safe. At that point you can suggest counseling and set boundaries.
  6. Don’t hide the abuse. Get help. Tell someone what you’re going through. Don’t make excuses for your abuser or downplay his or her impact on your life. At least one compassionate, trusted loved one or a counselor can make all the difference. Despite your abuser’s claims, you are not alone.
  7. Leave. If your abuser refuses to honor your boundaries, continues to run you down, or rejects counseling you must separate yourself. If you are forced to deal with this person at work or in the community, seek administrative help for securing the appropriate distance.

You do not deserve abuse.

Emotional dominance over another person is not love or friendship.

Remember that you are a good person. You deserve more.

Keep yourself safe.

Reach out for the help you need.

 

Denise Kautzer is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and a Certified Public Accountant whose practice is located in St. Paul, MN. You can view her website at www.denisekautzer.com or contact her at denise@denisekautzer.com

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