Oftentimes, we get caught up in the day-to-day things in our lives. However, these things can distract us from the one person in our lives we should prioritize…our partner. Keep in mind these signs that you need to prioritize your partner in order to maintain a healthy relationship.
1. I’m Too Busy!
We are all busy. Work, family, and other obligations play a central role in our everyday lives. Yet, if you or your partner are so busy that you can’t devote 30 minutes to each other daily, that’s a warning sign. Yes, you have a lot of important things going on, but how important are they really if they take priority over your partner?
2. This Needs My Attention Now!
Got a project that’s due or a household task to get done? It’s easy to get lost in the nitty-gritty details, but have you taken any time to be with your partner? If you find yourself always having a project to do or a task to accomplish, you may not be prioritizing your partner.
3. I’d Rather Watch TV!
Is watching TV your preferred way of unwinding at the end of the day? Certainly, we all have our favorite shows or want to watch the big game. But do you prefer to watch television as opposed to spending time with your partner? Choosing TV over your partner sends a hurtful message about where they lie on your list of priorities.
4. I’m Focused on My Career!
Your job is important and you want to do well. Additionally, your job may require you to stay late sometimes to finish projects or make a deadline. If, however, you are using work as an excuse to not be with your partner that certainly is a sign of where your priorities lie.
5. I Want to Spend My Free Time the Way I Want It!
Does your partner ever make a suggestion for an activity to do together, and you just roll your eyes? Do you want to do what you want to do, instead of sharing that time? Relationships are built on sharing and compromise. If you always spend your spare time on things you want to do, you’re sending a hurtful message to your partner, “What I want is more important than what you want.”
6. I Didn’t Notice!
When you are wrapped up in your career, chores, or even recreational activities you miss important signals being sent by your partner. For instance, their…
- worries
- fears
- resentments
- anxieties
Instead of being attentive to your partner’s needs do those signals blow right by? When this happens you miss warning signs that signal potential conflict in the future.
7. Why Are You Angry At Me?
When you miss these signs, resentment builds up. Your partner believes that you don’t care about them and don’t care to meet their needs or hear their concerns. This tells your partner that they can’t trust you. Then, when you least expect it (because you haven’t been attentive to them) your partner gets angry at you. This can catch you off guard, and instead of responding compassionately and with understanding, you push back, which places additional stress on your relationship.
How to Prioritize Your Partner
Prioritizing your partner means being willing to pause and listen. This may mean having to put that project on hold or pull your attention away from what you’re doing to provide your full attention. Also, you can better prioritize your partner by doing things together rather than separately. This means you build memories and positive connections as a couple instead of as individuals.
Prioritizing your partner sends the message that your relationship is important and that your partner is the most important person in your life. By being willing to spend time together, to listen, and be attentive, couples can establish a healthy and long-lasting partnership.
Denise Kautzer is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and a Certified Public Accountant whose practice is located in St. Paul, MN. You can view her website at www.denisekautzer.com or contact her at denise@denisekautzer.com.