You know he or she needs you and you want to be there to help
Your loved one is down. It’s more than just the blues. It’s more that a few bad days.
If your loved one is battling depression, he or she is fighting for every healthy thought.
Peace of mind seems a long way off and depression is a tough opponent.
What do you say?
What do you do?
Consider the following:
1. Be Knowledgeable.
To help your loved one fight depression you need to know what you’re dealing with. Research reliable resources for information and guidance about depression. Read books. Learn the signs and symptoms. Discretely talk to people who are managing the disease.
2. Be Direct.
Talk about it. Make it plain that you understand that depression is a serious problem, not an act of your loved one’s will. Communicate that you’re aware of how much he is hurting and that you don’t blame him.
3. Be supportive.
Here are some key ways to be your loved ones strongest ally:
- Stay in contact. Encourage outings and routine meet-ups. Do your best to prevent isolation, even if she says she doesn’t need you.
- Listen rather than advise. Unless you personally know the pain of depression, it’s best to refrain from offering advice or platitudes about how she should feel or how she should manage those feelings. Be open to whatever your loved one is experiencing and validate her right to feel that way. Try asking open-ended questions like “what can we do to help you feel better today?” that respect her need to be in charge of her request for help.
- Encourage treatment. Use your knowledge to provide an immediate connection to resources your loved one may not know exist. Talk about the benefits of treatment. Remind your loved one of her former dreams and aspirations. Help her set small goals for the future that can be attained with therapeutic care and support.
4. Be Vigilant
Pay attention. If your loved one’s behavior becomes risky or his mood becomes noticeably darker, seek help. Listen for talk or evidence of self-harm, death, or suicide. This is an emergency that will require quick action. Report concerns to your loved one’s doctor or therapist immediately. Arrange for hospitalization if necessary.
5. Be Available
Do what you can to be accessible to your friend or family member. Ease the practical concerns that may be obstacles to her treatment. Volunteer to drive her to appointments, offer to pickup or manage her prescriptions, or pitch in with childcare once or twice a week. Sincerely make the offer to help; allow her to receive or deny it. Either way, she will know, again, that she is not alone.
6. Be Patient and Positive
Whether your loved one is in treatment or still making the decision to seek help, your patience and positive reinforcement will be very important.
It is necessary to evaluate your own feelings throughout this process. If you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed by your loved ones’ moods, seek support for yourself, otherwise it may be difficult to remain a source of positive, loving encouragement.
Denise Kautzer is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and a Certified Public Accountant whose practice is located in St. Paul, MN. You can view her website at www.denisekautzer.com or contact her at denise@denisekautzer.com.