The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
~ Nelson Mandela
Children should be protected, loved, nurtured. They should also be strong. Strong enough to stand, bounce back, or pick themselves up when the occasion calls for it. Because one day, children leave their parent’s side, and the world rushes up to meet them. A world that is sometimes competitive, frightening, unfair, and even cruel.
Resilience can empower and secure a child mentally, and emotionally, for a lifetime.
Why is resilience the key to coping? Because resilient children are able to employ a wealth of developmental skills and assets that act as a defense, and buffer against an ever-changing world.
Resilient kids can cope with stress and discomfort
Most parents hold their babes in their arms, and promise to always keep them safe. There’s nothing wrong with that, but perhaps promising to do everything we can to make them emotionally and mentally strong, would be better.
Resilient children bend when life gets tough. Stress and discomfort don’t break them because self-esteem, self-efficacy, and self-compassion are skills instilled through support at home, school, and in their communities. Problem-solving is valued and praised. The ability to relay feelings and concerns capably, to people who empathize and care about them, is welcomed and appreciated.
Facing stressors is entirely doable because a sense of courage and confidence within arises in the child, as challenges arise.
Resilient kids can cope with failure and disappointment
Every child learns that life isn’t complete without its hard punches, swift kicks, and knockouts.
Children build a resilient spirit by facing failure head on; not by avoiding it, not even by simply experiencing it. Resilient children confront disappointment, and learn how to come at it differently.
With internal skills and external support, a resilient child is a stronger, wiser child. He or she is an overcomer, someone who knows that failure is possible, but who is confident that he or she knows how not to fail that particular way again.
Resilient kids cope better with loss and grief
Resilience affords children the ability to face death, and the emotions that come with it, from a place of strength and security, rather than perpetual pain. They will be able to grieve with a sense of who they are, the capability to communicate when necessary, and with a mind focused toward healing, remembrance, and recovery.
Teaching children how to become emotionally aware, accept loss, and validate their experience through support and healthy adjustment is invaluable. Resilience allows a child to cope with difficult emotions such as sadness, fear, anger and worry, more successfully and completely.
A Resilient Child Checklist
According to “Raising Our Children to Be Resilient: A Guide to Helping Children Cope with Trauma in Today’s World” by Linda Goldman (2004), the following characteristics indicate resiliency:
* The ability to “bounce back”
* Inner courage
* The motivation to move forward
* An ability to stay present, focused, and centered
* Self-awareness; understanding what he/she feels or knows
* A well-developed sense of humor
* A sense of potential and promise
* A willingness to seek help
* Continued determination to accomplish goals
* Strong desire to share emotions
* The ability to connect with other people is clear
* The desire to give back or share with others
A resilient child can navigate the world. Advice columnist Ann Landers got it right when she said, “It’s not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.”
Denise Kautzer is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and a Certified Public Accountant whose practice is located in St. Paul, MN. You can view her website at www.denisekautzer.com or contact her at denise@denisekautzer.com