Welcoming a new baby into the family is a time of joy and excitement for most couples. It’s also a time of disrupted routines, interrupted sleep, and maybe a bit of worry about how to manage it all. For some women, childbirth can trigger a more serious reaction: postpartum depression.
Here’s what to watch for, and what to do, if you are concerned your wife or partner may have postpartum depression:
Is this normal, or is it postpartum depression?
It is normal for some new mothers to experience what’s known as “postpartum baby blues” beginning two to three days after delivery and lasting up to a couple of weeks. Moodiness, crying, trouble sleeping, and anxiety are common signs of the “new baby blues”.
After a couple of weeks, should these symptoms continue and intensify, the blues may have progressed into postpartum depression. This form of depression can develop for up to six months postpartum. Additional symptoms of postpartum depression include:
- Consistently sad mood
- Withdrawal from family and friends
- Eating far less or far more than usual
- Fatigue, low energy
- Irritability, anger
- Anxiety, panic attacks
- Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
It’s crucial for partners to be aware that some symptoms of postpartum depression may be harder to detect because a woman may hide them out of shame, fear, and pressure (real or imagined) to be a “perfect” mother.
If your wife or significant other has postpartum depression, she may:
- Fear she’s a bad mother
- Feel worthless, inadequate, ashamed, or guilty
- Have thoughts of harming herself or her baby
- Have thoughts of death or suicide
What causes postpartum depression?
Postpartum depression results from a combination of physical and emotional postpartum changes. Estrogen, progesterone, and thyroid hormone levels drop after childbirth. This hormonal shift can leave a woman fatigued and depressed. Childbirth and managing a new baby in the home can cause a woman to feel overwhelmed and exhausted.
Becoming a mother can prompt a woman to feel concerned about her ability to care for her baby, her physical attractiveness, and loss of control over her body and life. Any combination of these factors can set the stage for postpartum depression.
The following factors may also increase a woman’s risk of developing postpartum depression:
- A history of depression
- Bipolar disorder
- Family members with depression or other mood disorders
- Pregnancy complications, illness, job loss, or other stressful events in the past year
- An unplanned or unwanted pregnancy
- A baby with health issues or special needs
- Relationship problems
- Lack of a support system
- Financial troubles
- Difficulty breastfeeding
If the mother of my child shows symptoms of postpartum depression, what should I do?
The most important thing to do is to take postpartum depression seriously. It’s not a matter of weakness or something she can just “get over”. She can’t “cheer up” or “snap out of it”. A “spa day” or a shopping spree will not cure it. Research shows that a woman with depression who has consistent support from her husband or partner is most likely to improve.
What kind of support? Compassionate recognition and acceptance of her depression—tell her you understand she’s having a difficult time, that she is a good mother, and that with treatment, she will feel better. Try shouldering some of what might usually be her responsibility around the house—whether that be feeding and changing the baby, running the vacuum, or picking up take-out.
If you suspect your wife or partner has postpartum depression, make an appointment for her with her doctor or a mental health provider. Postpartum depression is usually treated with psychotherapy (also known as “talk therapy”) and sometimes antidepressants.
Usually, postpartum depression will abate in about six months, with proper treatment. In the meantime, your patience, compassion, and willingness to take on some extra household duties will go far in helping mom recover so you can get back to enjoying each other and your new baby.
Denise Kautzer is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and a Certified Public Accountant whose practice is located in St. Paul, MN. You can view her website at www.denisekautzer.com or contact her at denise@denisekautzer.com.