How to Cope When Bad Things Happen Out of the Blue

One day, she finally grasped that unexpected things were always going to happen in life.

And with that, she realized the only control she had was how she chose to handle them.

So, she made the decision to survive using courage, humor, and grace.

She was the queen of her own life and the choice was hers.

~Kathy Kinney

When life is humming along nicely, we spend very little time considering the unexpected. In fact, we may purposely avoid it or even fear it, relegating the bad things that happen to a box checked “other people”…hoping that it’s true.

Disaster, tragedy, betrayal, and a myriad of other unplanned changes lie dormant, tucked away. Until one day, “out of the blue” happens. Then, we begin looking for ways to cope, restore order, and reclaim our calm.

But how is that possible, when life seems so unsettled and insecure?

Whatever your circumstances, it may help you to consider the following strategies for easing your way:

1.  Practice Acceptance. Acknowledge that the unexpected will happen.

Accept that life is change. Things happen that push you forward. Sometimes with surprises or unsettling blows.

The first step to peace is accepting life, good or bad, as it comes. Resisting change gains you very little and usually just exacerbates your pain.

2.  Remain in the Present. Reject “if only” and “what if.” When something challenging or negative occurs unexpectedly, avoid reliving the past and or projecting into the future.

This doesn’t mean you won’t be tempted to ruminate and wish for something different or better. But a conscious decision to be mindful and aware of the present moment can help soothe and calm your upset mind.

Pay attention to what is happening now. Focus on where you’re needed today. Notice your feelings as they happen.

Control of your thoughts and behaviors in the current moment is the only control you have.

3.  Choose Your Attitude. Calm yourself with hope and positivity.

A lay off from work. The end to a relationship. Illness. A tragedy. All are bad. All are hurtful.

When they happen without warning, no one will blame you for feeling blindsided. However, how you react to those unexpected events can bring calm or chaos to your world.

Will you feel defeated and overwhelmed? Or will you take a deep breath–through your pain and confusion—and assess the situation for anything positive or purposeful to be gained?

Encourage yourself to take a step back and take in the bigger picture. Ask yourself questions. What have you come to understand about yourself? Have you learned to fight back? Are you persistent? Do you let go?

You may find that your most positive, progressive, successful self can result from unexpected negativity and trying times.

4.  Trade Panic for Perspective.

Share. Whether you seek out a loved one, a clergy member, or a counselor, reach out to a person who will communicate with you honestly and compassionately. Resist ranting or venting in favor of sharing your true emotions and solution-based thinking.

Write. Journaling is a way to provide perspective and highlight moments of insight and gratitude that will help calm and comfort as well as foster clarity.

Meditate. Practice prayer or meditation. Learn to slow down your breath and thoughts for 10-30 minutes a day. Soon you’ll feel less panicked and perturbed and more calm and courageous.

Out of the blue events happen.

Learning to manage the unexpected is a growth process, one that cannot occur unless our peaceful lives are disrupted.

So breathe deep. Accept your change.

Then calmly discover just how resilient you are.

 

Denise Kautzer is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and a Certified Public Accountant whose practice is located in St. Paul, MN. You can view her website at www.denisekautzer.com or contact her at denise@denisekautzer.com

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