The New Year is a great time to turn the page on your finances. Particularly, the way you and your partner communicate about your finances.
Fight no more. Protect your financial health and, most importantly, the future of your relationship. Here’s how:
Recognize the basic differences in your money mentalities. Are you a saver, while your partner is a spender? You and your spouse likely have significant differences in your purchasing personalities and economic goals, if you are fighting a great deal.
The key idea is to look closely at differences with less emotion and more objectivity. Then, consider what can reasonably be accommodated. More importantly, try not to mentally or verbally force each other into monetary submission with continued fighting, or by jockeying for control. It’s okay to be different, if you know what you’re dealing with. Try to approach differences rationally, with mindsets geared toward making your financial happiness mutual.
Resolve what money means to you and your relationship. Most of the time, money fights between couples signify more than who emptied the bank account, or forgot to pay the credit card bill. It is wise to figure out your personal money issues and expectations, as well as how you believe money should operate in your relationship.
A good start may be to look at your family histories and really think about how you came to arrive at your ideas about money. What did money mean then and what does money mean to you now? What constitutes enough spending money, savings, or investments? What bothers you most about having less cash.
Increase compassion, compromise and respect. How you approach each other should foster strong communication and support. Share your money histories with each other. Explain how unsafe, worried, or responsible you feel when money is low. Communicate how much it means to you to use money in certain ways. Then listen intently to your partner’s point of view. Seriously consider his or her perspective, no matter how much it differs from your own.
The idea is to grow in understanding and respect this year. Demonstrating that faithful, considerate approach to your finances is paramount. This way, you may find it more difficult to fight, and much easier to consider each other’s underlying feelings, when monetary choices or conflicts arise.
Remain faithful or reestablish good faith. Guilt, shame and blame can ramp up monetary tension and seriously come between you and your partner. There is no place for secret spending, retail retaliation, or hoarding. Do everything you can to be honest with each other, for the sake of trust and security.
If you need to, set up separate accounts, make a few confessions, or actively make plans to put your accounts in good standing again. Doing so will help to demonstrate your commitment to your financial future together.
Agree that that there is no “I” in your mutual money. To make your money work for you and your relationship, adopt a teamwork frame of mind. Renew your desire to be full partners going forward. Refuse to give money the power to pull you apart. Essentially, do whatever you need to do, to strengthen your teamwork.
Seek guidance and advice from a financial coach and relationship counselor. Develop a workable game plan that assures both of you feel supported and understood, financially and personally. Set limits and balance accounts together. Regularly evaluate what’s working and what isn’t. Show each other that, above all, the health of your relationship and financial well-being are top priorities.
Denise Kautzer is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and a Certified Public Accountant whose practice is located in St. Paul, MN. You can view her website at www.denisekautzer.com or contact her at denise@denisekautzer.com.